Not right now, of sitting in my kitchen, drinking tea and staring (or trying to) through the misted up double glazing in the window.
But in general, there are far too many things I'm scared of, and I can't be the only one.
But sometimes this desire to be a decent, law abiding person goes too far, and my fear of getting into trouble becomes a general fear of not being approved of. Look at those examples I gave above - how many of them actually relate to laws? No, we shouldn't have walked over the protected area, and yes I should have had lights on my bike (I was about 14, I think, and travelling two minutes from home, but even so).
But the other things? Talking in the quiet carriage was inconsiderate (we hadn't seen the signs), and of course I shouldn't have reversed into the parked car - but it was clearly an accident and nobody was hurt. Looking into a skip? You might not like it, but I'd argue that throwing away nearly new toys and furniture is more criminal.
And being shouted at by a teacher in junior school? I'm 35 for goodness sake - probably ten years older than the teacher was then! Why do I still feel sick, all these years later?
Sometimes, though, I make up reasons to feel bad, and then feel bad anyway - and then I know I've truly slipped down into some strange spiral of gloom. A neighbour is clearing the path of weeds - I say thank you but instantly writhe with guilt that I haven't done it myself. My boss tells me they're changing the 'work at home' policy and I immediately feel bad for all the times I worked at home (with permission) in the past. The neighbours are singing at the tops of their voices at 3am, and I stand outside in the street, in my nightie and bare feet, waiting for them to finish their song so I can ask, ever so politely, if they'll keep it down a bit now please, all the time feeling like a complete spoilsport.
Don't worry, I've not had a complete personality transplant and I'm not going to go around breaking the law for no good reason, and walking across the grass just because I can.
But I've had enough of carrying round the guilt of childhood misdemeanours. I'm bored of worrying about what people in the street think of my garden, whether I've washed my car, or that my attic window isn't painted the same colour as the rest.
I'm fed up of having arguments in my head with people who aren't there.
Well, it ends here. I'm not sure how, and it might take a while, but each time I catch myself arguing with someone who isn't there, or explaining myself when nobody's asked me to, or feeling bad for something I did twenty years ago that didn't hurt anyone, I'm going to stop, and have a nice cup of tea instead, and think pleasant thoughts instead. I'm sure nothing at all will change in the outside world, but it will certainly be a lot more peaceful inside my head.
Are you with me?